Shaping a Homeschool as Unique as the Family Who Lives It

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I recently had a conversation with a friend that has made me think a lot over the last couple of weeks. My friend was one of the participants on a discussion panel at our local homeschool conference. She was to talk about homeschooling the elementary school age, I believe. She was addressing how each of our homeschool is unique and that we should not try to duplicate what we see in other homes. It has really gotten me thinking and pondering and I would like to share my musings with you, as well as write them down for myself.

May I come watch you homeschool?

My friend brought up an episode, years ago, when she was just starting to consider homeschooling her oldest who was 4 or 5 at the time. She asked me if she could come and observe our school day to get an idea of what to expect. And I guess I flat answered “no”. Cringe! I feel so bad now. But as we were discussing the episode, she said that she could not remember my reasons why, but now that she had a dozen years of homeschooling under her belt it made complete sense. My home education was in a completely different stage than where hers would be. And mine would have probably overwhelmed and discouraged her. I had been home educating for almost ten years and I had 4 students and a toddler, way different than one preschooler and a toddler.

Why do we want to check it out?

It is so hard to make the jump into what, for most of us, is an unknown. Coming from a private or public school education it is really difficult to wrap our minds around home education. Should we duplicate the school day in our own home (schooling at home)? Should we just let the children run free to pick what they want to do (unschooling)? How does it work? These are two extremes, of course, but the questioning is real. And there is no right or wrong answer. Which makes it even harder! You need to find what works for your family and not try to duplicate someone else’s family.

Family and home education

We would never think of asking a mom if we could sit in her living room for a day to watch her be a mom and a homemaker so that we may duplicate that exactly into our own home. We know that it would never work as our families are different, our situations are different and our personalities are different. Each home and family is unique. But the fact that public and private education have been standardized makes us feel like our home education should be standardized as well. Don’t do it! That is one of the beauties of home education! It does not have to look like anyone else’s!

Comparaison, poison!

My mother always said: “to compare yourself is poisonous to the mind”. It is much easier said in French, but this is the essence of the saying. There is so much truth in this short saying. I know we have all heard it over and over: “don’t compare yourself to what you see on social media, it’s never the truth”, etc… But oftentimes we forget to apply that to our real life friends as well. Why is comparison such a poison? Because it blocks us from being who we truly are and who God means for us to be. And in the process we also stint our children from coming into their own as well.

Uniqueness

The uniqueness of each home should be seen in our home education. This is, by far, the hardest and most beautiful part of home education. I grew up with a pattern that I could duplicate in my own home: serving three meals a day, snacks here and there, laundry, cleaning, chauffeuring people from place to place. I grew up witnessing all of that and I knew that was expected of me. But home education was a completely strange and new thing that I had never witnessed. It was just like learning a whole new language. And thankfully I knew how to do that, lol! So I did the only thing I could think of and started studying home education. To this day I do not remember how I came across Real Learning by Elizabeth Foss. But it convinced me that home education was the right path and I wanted the life she described. But there were so many obstacles! It seemed unsurmountable… I was comparing…

Discover freedom

Then I started thinking about which of the beautiful ideas I could actually apply in my home. I started shopping rather than trying to duplicate. Just like we do not buy one of everything in the grocery store, I picked and chose what felt right for my very young and tiny family. What I could do today, and let the rest go, for now. This was an epiphany. To realize that I did not have to duplicate, that I could choose what was best for my family, and for me, and that it would be sufficient. I started reading voraciously everything I could get my hands on regarding home education and mainly Charlotte Mason. My first home school community was online through the fabulous, but now defunct 4Real Forum. Through this forum I found amazing older moms close to home and was able to start creating community.

Build community

Through these communities, I was able to ask for advice and try different approaches to our homeschool life until I found the ones that fit our family best. But just like in homemaking, not all tricks worked for us. To give myself the freedom to be who we are and to educate and learn in the way that worked for us has made all the difference. Just like our family is unique, our home education is unique, and each of my children is unique. I have rarely duplicated the exact same thing from child to child. We have common threads such as Morning Time but for the rest I try to personalize their education. And this way we have thrived! Giving the uniqueness of my family a chance has made all the difference. Finding out how my brain, and each of my children’s brains function has allowed us to tailor fit each year to where we are at in life as a family and has made our home education lifestyle custom designed for our family, our circumstances and the rest of our life.

Build your family’s culture

So yes, you can come sit on my couch to get ideas, but I will warn you that you will not be able to copy/paste anyone’s home education, you will have to discover your own. But keep in mind that your family is unique, do not compare yourself, educate yourself and create the home education that is right for your family. Yes, you will make mistakes and might get behind in math, yes it might be messy, but you will learn. Just maybe not what is learned in a brick and mortar school but it will be of greater importance to you and your family than anything learned in a brick and mortar school. You will learn about your family and you will create the most beautiful family culture: yours. So be true to who God made you to be, help your children discover who God is calling them to be and create YOUR family culture through home education and home making.
Love,
Mattie